My Berlin

Soon after buying my new digital camera last year, I realized that it takes pretty decent video. So using the movie maker program on my computer (which I barely know how to use) and the random footage from my time here, I put together a little something. Minimal professionalism and lots of heart brings you this snapshot so far of My Berlin...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWWW-lWnpsw

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Open to celebrate

So Im walking around my neighborhood on the 4th day of birthday and I walk past an apartment just as some guy is coming out of it. We notice each other and both nod. He then says something in german and I explain that I dont speak it. We walk a bit more. 

On the same pace on the same road, I realize that we are quite by accident walking together. He switches to english to ask me where I am from. We chit chat a bit until we reach the end of the street. " So now I am going this way, and you are going that way," he says, "may I call you sometime so we can walk again?" So I said "sure" and we exchanged phone numbers.

That night he calls me to see if I would like to grab some food. Hey why not- its day #4 of my birthday!? I met him at the restaurant called Yogi Haus. I had seen it while walking around my neighborhood and it looked like a cool little spot. He arrives, we talk, we eat, we laugh. He is African but his native language is French and after 16 years here he is also fluent in German. So when all of a sudden the waiter brings sparklers and champagne, my new friend sang happy birthday to me in 3 languages.

Birthday magic a la Berlin.

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The day I was born

The actual day of my birthday was a hoot! I woke up early to ride my new bike to breakfast. Home made and fabulous- complete with a deliciously smelly cheese they had just brought back from Italy, Marc and Bo got me started on a fabulous foot. 

Then, despite my fears, (not having ridden a bike in about a decade) I rode my bike 45 minutes to Prenzlauerberg to make my 11am Grinberg appointment with Rebecca  http://www.grinbergmethod.com/ge/

I had so much anxiety about that ride. I think that happens over time. When you have fallen just enough to remember how much it hurts, its so hard to set that aside and ride with reckless abandon again. But the freedom and strength that came from just doing it, from making myself forget the pain of skinned knees and elbows and just enjoying the ride was truly liberating. The wind in my hair, the peddles beneath my feet, I was 12 again, the world was mine and everything was possible.

 After a great session, I caught up with my friend Guido just before he was off to travel around Germany in his mobile home. On the small patch of fake grass he keeps on the top of his camper van, I layed on my back gazing at an endless sky. And I realized just how wonderful my life is. I remembered how often I forget. 

My beautiful Susannes made me dinner, complete with homemade birthday cake. I dont know if it was the gummy bears or the smiles on their faces. Maybe it was the talks about life and love and being a woman over 30, but it was exactly what I needed. 

I rode home in the dark. After midnight. On quiet city streets. And when I finally arrived back to my apartment, I realized that perhaps by accident, perhaps equal parts seeking and chance - somehow I am here. And in this moment, 

I am exactly where and who I need to be. 

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Pre bday wonder

On the first day of birthday my city gave to me:
A lovely massage compliments of my dear friend Lydia in the Virgin Islands
A beautiful new pink bike from my English easy twin Marc (making me more of an "official" Berliner)

(Mein Fahrrad ist rosa!)
A movie, good whiskey and some fabulous stories from my Irish pal John
Flowers and a funny card when I got home from it all from my sweet new German roomie Irina.
The birthday month stage has been set in grand style!

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Asking for it

When I was 16, my first job was at CPK and I met a woman who was exactly my mix. She looked like she could be my older sister. After talking a while we figured out that except for the year, we have the same birthday. Somehow we have kept in contact all these years.

I sent her a random email the other day to wish her a happy birthday. She replied warmly and said something I plan to keep. She wrote: "If I may pass on some life experience that I have obtained as a woman of a certain age (smile):  Ask the universe for what you desire and it shall provide it to you every time. Also, be absolutely truthful about who you are... even if it is only with yourself."

So I have been trying it out. I have asked to celebrate my birthday for the next 30 days. And everyday so far has been a new celebration. And when I cant think of a way to celebrate, one is brought to me...

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30 days of 30

I turn 30 tomorrow. Wow. When did THAT happen? I've been thinking for a while how best to deal with this. How to reckon. How to celebrate. And as weird as it is to be single, unemployed and in a foreign country on this day of my life... it also makes complete sense. There is something very intuitive about starting over now. Today. This year.

So I decided to celebrate 30 days of being 30. Starting on the eve of my birth. Because 30 years ago today, my parents were getting ready to bring a new life into this crazy world. They hadn't met me yet. They didn't know what my purpose in this world would be. But they knew I was coming. I still am.... so here goes....

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ArT

According to Wikipedia: Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the senses or emotions.

Ok. This seems true enough. It then goes on to say a bunch more about the history, the origins, the categories of art, but at definition, I think I can agree.

I've been wrestling with my own defintion of art, since recently accepting that it is my job in the world to create it. But what is it really? And how does one know if its good or bad or even complete?

One of the best things about Berlin in the summer is that literally every weekend there is a different festival somewhere in the city. Its just part of life here- art, music, culture and the exhibition of it all as frequently as is humanly possible. We went to a festival called the 48 hours of Neukölln http://www.48-stunden-neukoelln.de/2009/en/index09.html

and it was wonderful.

My favorite part about it was that it made me question art as I know it. I realized that there isnt any more art going on here than I am used to in LA. It just feels more accepted in its fundemental form. As though it is judged in Berlin less on the collective perception of the quality of its execution and more on the personal impact of its intension. That means that its real, its raw, its random and more people seem to do it since there is minimal fear of being lynched. The freedom to just be, just do, just say something- anything- with less worry of whether or not its worthwhile. Seems like a great way to find your own voice.

It makes you ask yourself, "What moves me, and how can I pass that on?"

I used to judge art more harshly.
I had this sort of jaded thing in LA where I was fed up with what so many people called "art". The very heart of it seemed corrupted to me. And that perception sort of bled into everything. Commercialization seeped into every corner of what was meant to be personal and intimate in my mind and it made even honest attempts at art hard to endure and virtually impossible to accept or to truly experience.

But now I take one simple question with me to an exhibit... "Does it move me?"

And that doesn't make the art good or bad, just personally desirable or not. Thats why its relative, because you can only experience it from your own perspective. While art can have a collective impact, at core, it must be experienced as an individual.

I think that in the end, thats all that really matters.

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Beautiful Chaos

Im really enjoying the weather here. My first July in Berlin vacillates between sweltering heat, pouring rain and breezy chill in what feels like the blink of an eye. I told my friend Marion that I'm magic here and that sometimes I control the weather. So today, in the middle of a sunny afternoon, when the rain started to pour just about the time she wanted to go to lunch, she called to see if I was in a bad mood.

But Im not. And thats not what the rain is for. There are other things at play. Sometimes a break in the norm is needed to jolt your senses. Maybe a conversation needed to be derailed out there. Maybe without the rain that flower wasnt going to live through the heat of the day. Maybe something dirty needed washed away...

And rain comes and goes so quickly here so I never fear it. There will be more shine or showers, whichever is needed most, soon. That is simply the way it works. Finding peace within that truth, thats my job. So today, I am celebrating turbulent weather of all kinds because it keeps life interesting. And its the ability to notice it that makes us strong. What's your weather like today?

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