No Island

This is drastically out of order but I have to tell you this story.

I had no car for the move into my new apartment. This seeming handicap gave me two options: rent a car or get creative.

One characteristic of myself that I used to prize in another life was the fact that I was capable. If something needed done, more often than not, I could make it happen. And most of the time I felt good about this all the while unaware that it was making me an island.

The thing about friendship and community and collaboration is that its a two way exchange. Without reciprocity, it just doesn't work. Its quite simple really, when one offers, the other has to accept. This doesn't work when self sufficiency is your top priority. This doesn't work when you are an island.

My idea of independence has been tested often these past two years. And its lovely how many people have stepped up along the way. Showing their true colors in the name of my international move, I have been blessed with generous humans who have been teaching me the value of accepting help.

One thing I love about Berlin is its honesty. For better or worse, you know where you stand. There is very little sugar-coating. It's just the real raw story and you can take it or leave it. So when it came time to move the couch that my friend Eric so generously donated to my new flat and I had to figure out how to get it from his attic to my studio it felt right to ask myself one simple question: "What would Berlin do?"
The answer was clear...

Couch Moving Party.

5 strong men, 3 six packs of Berliner Kindl and 2 Kilometers later I realized something beautiful thats been coming for a long time now:

Im not an island anymore.

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WHY Top RAMEN is GOOD for your SOUL

Being broke sucks.

I’ve have never been as financially poor in my life as I have been in Berlin. I used to play at it. Say I had no money all the time. But that was a lie. I had credit cards, I had work and I had family close by.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how a mutual pal of ours was “really struggling”.

“She can’t even buy any new clothes right now!”

I used to say things like that. But it’s funny how priorities switch when you go from perhaps not donning the latest fashions all the way to perhaps not being able to buy food.

Believe it or not, I’m not complaining. Because I am finding that there are two interesting things about money: It often gives a false sense of security in a totally uncertain world and it usually creates an insatiable appetite for more. Everything is always changing and no amount of money can change that. And there is always a need for more things, new things, vacations, possessions, and when all that is checked off the list you can always use savings for a rainy day. It can create a never-ending black hole of desire making it virtually impossible to be content with what is.

But one thing I love about the life I currently lead is that despite my conceptual discomfort and my occasional worry about what people think of my efforts, I am currently at peace inside.

Because I have enough. In fact, if I really look at my situation, I am one of the richest people I know.

And so somehow eating noodles is feeding my soul. And I know it’s just a phase. I am doing and learning everything I can and like all other seasons, this too shall pass. That knowledge coupled with the growing love in and around me makes me open to all the things I can already feel are on the way. And what’s more, it gives me the opportunity to enjoy this moment. Right now I am so thankful for this time and space to really imagine myself as free, because I already am.

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