Hit and Run

Everybody loves to be a VIP. Honestly, Im kinda a sucker for the "invite only" stuff. Add to that random occurrance, careful planning and some under ground "Berlin style" and you've got a little thing called Hit and Run Kino. This well scouted movie night that happens randomly throughout the year is created by a couple of psuedo famous ex club promoters. They choose a movie to screen and a very appropriate location in which to screen it. They then send out an email to a select few (theres that invite only thing) with a place to meet, a date and time. You meet there, pay 5 euros and are walked through the streets of Berlin like some kind of Pide Piper pub crawl to the "secret location" for movie viewing.

When we met at first, I was excited. Then after wandering on foot with this group for about 15 minutes, I thought - Ok, what the heck is this? I knew that the cost also included drinks and I kept thinking- there is no way Im drinking the Cool Aid!

We finally get to the location, its a school called Rutli which is known for having some of the most unruly students in Berlin. We walk across the campus into this abandoned old warehouse. Its dark and we are literally climbing through holes in the wall, one by one, to get from room to room. There are tables with beer and wine where we helped ourself to drinks (made sure to cork my own ;-) and then we wandered into another part and found some seats. The movie for the screening is a little flick called Class of 1984 and fortunately for me, it was in english.

Watching a movie about the worst school in America (at that time) inside the grounds of the worst school in Berlin (at this time), I realized some things never change. And while we do live worlds apart, different languages, customs, perspectives-good and bad are understood widely. As I cheered with the crowd at the end when the protagonist triumphed, I realized we aren't that different. Gotta love a little hit and run!

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When the Honeymoon is Over

Bridging the distance between a vacation and a life can be a strange road. And these last couple weeks have been that. Realizing fully that I just picked up and moved here. Its not just a trip or a phase or something to learn a little bit for a little while so I can just muscle through till its over. This is my life.

When I meet people here they ask me where Im from. When I tell them LA their next question is always, "how long is your vacation?"

I bought some head-kerchiefs the other day at one of the many cool open air markets that splatter the city on miscellaneous days of the week. After taking a bit of time to decide and chit chatting the decision with a friend, the man packed up my selections and said, "have a nice trip."

But this is not a trip. Its a life.

There are many questions inside of these statements. And perhaps the most confrontational among them is the one I hear loudest in my head, "do you really think you can handle this?" And the truth is that most days, I don't.

We have a little moth issue in our cupboard. So my roommate asked me to go to the store and buy some moth catcher strip things. She told me the brand name and the store. I did everything I was told. I brought them home and then realizing that I couldnt read the directions. I went online and did a product search, found the item and then used google translate. When it still made no sense, I decided to wait till she got home to use them.
This was hard.
I am a grown woman and to be unable to do very simple things for myself, yeah, sometimes it messes with me.

And there are a million wonderful things about this place. But somedays, I just have to remember that I don't have to have all the answers. I made a new years resolution to experience the world more like a child. I am living my wish. Im not charming or funny in German, Im just limited and shy. In fact most of the time, I don't really know what's going on. And in this fray, its easy to forget ones own personality. Its easy to get frustrated and often feel small.

But Ive got 3 important things on my side: 1) Berlin who I believe in my heart wants me here. 2) Understanding friends who give me alot of personal space to work my way through these changes. 3) You reading this, sending me good energy and strength through your support.

This makes me know, I can not fail.

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A question for you...

Sometimes life stands still. Sometimes you are void of ideas. Sometimes when people ask you, "so what's new?" you aren't really sure what to say. In fact sometimes you are angered by the question.
Has a lot happened these last few weeks?
yes.
Am I glad I celebrated 30 days of 30?
yes.
Do I have any idea how to explain how hard/upsetting it has been.
no.

I usually try not to write until I have something positive to say. Even my bad days/weeks I try to find a silver lining. Believe it or not the purpose of this whole thing is inspiration- for me and for you.
But the last few weeks have been hard. Really freaking hard. And I get to the end of these days with a question.
So right now, Im asking you..."why am I doing this again?"

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