When the Honeymoon is Over

Bridging the distance between a vacation and a life can be a strange road. And these last couple weeks have been that. Realizing fully that I just picked up and moved here. Its not just a trip or a phase or something to learn a little bit for a little while so I can just muscle through till its over. This is my life.

When I meet people here they ask me where Im from. When I tell them LA their next question is always, "how long is your vacation?"

I bought some head-kerchiefs the other day at one of the many cool open air markets that splatter the city on miscellaneous days of the week. After taking a bit of time to decide and chit chatting the decision with a friend, the man packed up my selections and said, "have a nice trip."

But this is not a trip. Its a life.

There are many questions inside of these statements. And perhaps the most confrontational among them is the one I hear loudest in my head, "do you really think you can handle this?" And the truth is that most days, I don't.

We have a little moth issue in our cupboard. So my roommate asked me to go to the store and buy some moth catcher strip things. She told me the brand name and the store. I did everything I was told. I brought them home and then realizing that I couldnt read the directions. I went online and did a product search, found the item and then used google translate. When it still made no sense, I decided to wait till she got home to use them.
This was hard.
I am a grown woman and to be unable to do very simple things for myself, yeah, sometimes it messes with me.

And there are a million wonderful things about this place. But somedays, I just have to remember that I don't have to have all the answers. I made a new years resolution to experience the world more like a child. I am living my wish. Im not charming or funny in German, Im just limited and shy. In fact most of the time, I don't really know what's going on. And in this fray, its easy to forget ones own personality. Its easy to get frustrated and often feel small.

But Ive got 3 important things on my side: 1) Berlin who I believe in my heart wants me here. 2) Understanding friends who give me alot of personal space to work my way through these changes. 3) You reading this, sending me good energy and strength through your support.

This makes me know, I can not fail.