Letting Go

Since I did it, there have been a lot of questions.

Why now?

Why ever?

A few people begged me not to. Some threatened to cry. Some asked if they could have it when I was done.

I made a lot of excuses for a while. It needed to be hotter. I needed to be in better shape physically... emotionally. I wondered if maybe I was just doing it for the spectacle. I thought about it. I felt it through. I warned all my friends. But I knew the time was coming and the time was coming soon...

Then the time came. On the first day of Summer 2010, I shaved my head
...totally bald.

When small children ask me why I did it, I tell them I wanted to see the shape of my head. "Have YOU ever seen YOUR head?!" When others inquire I tell them it was time to clean out.

It had happened somewhere along the way that my identity had become tangled in my huge mass of curly hair. Certainly not the first thing and probably not the last. But in these last couple of years, I had become aware that my mane had completely infiltrated my self image. And I knew that the only way out was in letting go.

I am still a bit amazed. Im almost use to my reflection. I still wake up in the morning and touch my head. I still try to flip my hair reflexively in various social situations.

But there is a strange feeling of calm inside. I am spending time in my own skin. And frankly, its nice to meet me.

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Cotton Balls from Heaven

This year in Berlin Summer came early and Spring came late. Following a catastrophically cold Winter it remained frigid and dark well into what should have been Spring. But then, the day after I moved into my new place, it happened. Almost as though Berlin was showing its sign of approval, the sun came out and came on strong. The wind of Spring with the warm of Summer.

Glorious.

One wholly new phenomenon is the Pappel. A soft white flower, its buds bloom like wisps of cotton wafting through the air and filling the city streets. In the absence of allergies, it is truly a magical site. All over is a thin layer of white. Its almost like Berlin snows year round- schnee (snow) in the winter, cotton in the spring followed by the gorgeous changing leaves of the fall. Its amazing to live somewhere with seasons. And every time it changes, I feel new. I say, let it rein.

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