INside BETWEEN
>> Monday, October 11, 2010
Lately my life is like my hair-do, it’s in that “in-between stage”. I think we all know it. That place after the place of action and emotion. It’s a time before a time when anything is really happening. The period in-between sensation or struggle or any kind of self perpetuating energy from which you feed. Simply put, it’s the opposite of “go time.” This place is more like “wait time” or “just keep your head down” time. And in its emptiness I sometimes find it harder than the hard times.
When I was little my dad used to say, “life isn’t always Disneyland.” I didn’t know what to make of it then. I'm still not sure now. But like my hair, sometimes you have to cut things off in life. Maybe because it’s time. Maybe because it’s the only way to let new growth come through. I spent the last year very much in the struggle of it. Knowing that I just wanted to stay here and fighting to make it a reality. But now it seems it is. I live in Berlin. And things seem to be growing on their own, sometimes at random. But as anyone who has ever made cuts might tell you, the in-between isn’t always cute. And waking up this morning I didn’t like looking in the mirror. The girl looking back at me was neither here nor there.
But the in between is also a place. Just like here. Just like there. And maybe it’s a more honest one then the others. No glitz, no glamour, no frills. Just regular life. Even if this life is happening far away from where it started, its still life.
So, with an open heart, I will try to keep my head down and wait. Try to enjoy this time non time, space non space. Or I could just be honest to my need for adventure today and get the clippers!
