Snowman

>> Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Ive been recovering from High School ever since the first day I started. All the un-natural social norms, the fads, the cliques, not to mention the fact that pretty much all the time pretty much everybody is talking about everyone else. And that feeling of being mis-understood, un-liked and outcasted sometimes carries over. At least it did for me.

I spent much of my early 20's trying to make some kind of social peace. With myself and with the world. I was trying to be everything to everybody so that no one would hate me, ever again. Although this is impossible, I did pick up some interesting party tricks along the way.

But now Im spending my not-as-young adulthood trying to let all that go. I am literally TRYING to look stupid. I am making an effort to be un-cool, to not understand, to be "out of it." All in the hope I'll find the me somewhere inside the perception.

So the other day, I was a snowman. You read that right. A snowman. I got a random wake-up call from my friend Patrick asking me if I felt like working. The sheer randomness coupled with the 400 euro price tag had me bounding out of bed and running to the park.

We walked a good portion of the city. On foot. In the snow. With microphones and our very own musical "snow mobile" driving alongside us, we shouted and sang at on lookers and people we passed on the street. The cause was global warming, the place Berlin. And the whole time I didnt really understand what was going on. People would ask me questions, children would come up to me. There was a lot of pointing and laughing. And all I could do is smile and dance and tell them that my German isnt so good.

Truthfully, I didn't expect the feelings that followed. Over the course of the day I had aquired a whole new respect for costume characters- those freaking heads and bodies and misc accesories are heavy! And with all the walking in the snow, my feet were frozen for literally hours. But the strange thing was the emotional aftermath. After it was all over, I sat down and just cried. And you know whats weird- it felt like high school. There was alot going through my mind but I think one of the main things was the feeling of being "talked about".

I generally have a good sense of humor about this and just naturally asume that if people are talking about me they are saying nice things. Not because this is necessarily true but because it helps me to not live in a paranoid state. But for most of the day I was the epidimy of this current state of life I am in- goofy, confused, random- and trying to keep singing and putting one foot in front of the other all along the way. With the help of my lack of peripheral vision and a lovely patch of ice on the sidewalk I had fallen. Large costume and all- I totally ate it. "Snowman down!" But with the help of those around me, I got back up.

And so my first real exercise in my New Years resolution came in an unexpected way. I played a charecter but it got inside. It made me think about who I've been and who I want to be. Ironically by dressing up and stepping out I found a whole new appreciation for being in my own skin.

3 comments:

Ryan February 2, 2010 at 5:36 PM  

Your own skin is just the place to be, some of us love you dopey costumes and all. To quote Kermit-the-Frog, "I am green and it'll do fine: it's beautiful and I think it's what I want to be." Amen Kermie, Amen Shay-dog.

Zac February 3, 2010 at 12:20 AM  

LOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!

JOHN MOSBY February 3, 2010 at 6:17 PM  

Looks like you and Berlin are having the time of your lives. :)

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