Shakin but not Stirred

I used to live in a black and white world. I believed in my heart that I had a clear understanding of what was right and wrong, good and evil. And while in some ways, while things seemed a bit more clear then, I was miserable because this way of explaining my world just never seemed complete.

In an effort to "meet myself" Ive been walking this line for a while now. The line of discovering and creating. The line of accepting and changing, of allowing and directing. I've been taking a hard look at perspective and the power that it holds. Its that famous question, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

I have been trying to understand whether or not any of this is really happening.

I spoke with an ex the other day. Always informative, I came to see that, even after all this time I had really hurt him. And even after never meaning to, we had always had VERY different ways of seeing what was happening between and around us. We experienced it differently, we remember it differently. And I started to feel like perhaps there are no real "facts" in relationship, or perhaps even in life, just ways of seeing and experiencing things. This realization, once experienced, can take you in many directions.

I recently told someone important to me that I couldn't see him anymore. And the odd thing was that he hadn't done anything "wrong". He had been honest and caring throughout our time together. He had been a "good" man. But somehow, I had used my experiences with him to reinforce my insecurities. Somewhere along the way I had found a way to make a lovely person into a toxic force in my life. All because of perspective.

So today, Im leaning more towards the notion of there being very few absolutes, if there are any at all. The black and white of my experiences are continuing to fade into these amazing shades of grey which contrary to what I anticipated isn't bringing lack of clarity. Actually, it is making me feel very creative:

I want to learn

to paint...