My September

I spent the month of September in a virtual daze.

Zac planned a 4 week trip to Berlin to see me. A little piece of "home", "comfort", "familiarity." His flight arrived 30 minutes ahead of schedule at Tegel Airpot. The anticipation of finally seeing him after almost 6 months had kept me up all night and as I ran through the terminal (knowing I was late) I remember wondering if I were dreaming. His red beard and glowing smile caught my gaze and I thought to myself, "I know this guy!"
I took a deep breath.

We spent a bit of time in Berlin. With the jet lag and the fact that he really isnt much of a day person anyway, we didnt do much sight seeing. I introduced him to some of my friends, some of Berlin's restaurants and as many German beers as we could order. We flew to England for a week, rented a car and drove from Stansted to Hitchin to Aylesbury to London to Avebury and back again, visiting friends and having adventures, all on the wrong side of the road.
I closed my eyes.

When we got back it was crunch time. My visa extension was set to expire on Oct 1st as well as the lease for the place I had been living these past 3 months. The stress and general sleep depravation of the prior 3 weeks was a 1-2 punch I could have lived without. I was a mess. It was so good to see him and show him my beautiful city but I wasnt very present. It was as though all the anxiety that I had been holding onto finally collected enough momentum to emerge. I guess when you trust that someone will keep loving you in spite of your failings, its easier to let things out.
I exhaled.


So now he is back in the US. I am back in the swing of, well trying to figure out what it is exactly that I do here. I have some good ideas. I have some great friends. And Ive got a feeling that breakthrough must be on the way.