Passing the Flame

Berlin has sent a lot of angels on this wild ride. One in particular, has been very instrumental so far in many facets of my adjustment here. And slowly but surely I am coming to a point where very soon it seems that my internal assuredness that I am "supposed" to be here may be equally matched by external circumstances that justify this belief.

The other day I had a real moment of gratitude in which I simply asked how it would be possible to repay this friend for all they have done to help me. He simply replied, "Pass it on."

And so this blog is not just a reporting of great things but a promise to someone in the future. This difficult adjustment period will soon be a thing of the past and I know I will be set up here in a new life that I love. And when that time comes, I too will be in a position to help someone else. And believe it or not its that thought, the second even more than the first, that spurs me on.

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Hot Water

I dont know if I have shared this before but I do some of my best thinking in hot water. Literally and perhaps figuratively as well. And although I have a true desire to be rugged, a camper, a tomboy, I need- actually NEED a hot bath every few days or my heart and body become overun by stress that my brain creates. Strange, but tested and true. So when I asked Berlin for the perfect place, a bathtub was undeniably at the top of my list. That and internet service in a safe neighborhood for 300 euros inclusive per month were my wish. And I got it all. I just forgot to ask for hot water...

Sometimes you have to build a fire. Literally and perhaps figuratively as well. Apparently there are still apartments in the world that dont have continuous hot water throughout the day, not enough to draw a hot bath anyway. I live in one of those. Ive been told by my friends here that this is NOT common. Assured this is not a normal state of being. Not in Berlin. Not in Germany. But its the way my old fashioned apartment is set up. And my other two roommates are cool with it. So I built a fire. And after feeding it for a second time, I was finally able to get enough hot water for an entire bath. And maybe because Im tired, or maybe because I felt like I earned it... it was a wonderful soak indeed!

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Symbols of Hope

Im going through alot of changes right now. And aside from the fact that I cannot read 3 quarters of the words on the street, I shop, I eat, I live my life as a fully functional Berliner... well, almost...

There are certain things I miss. Understanding what people are saying in a grocery store, in the bar, on the train. Someone asked me for directions the other day and all I could say was "Mein deutch ist nict gut." Wanting to help and not being able to. Wanting to say, "yes, I would like a receipt with that." Wanting to say, "Im really not interested in your sign." But alas, I am an outsider. A foreigner. An immigrant.

But just when I think Im crazy for moving someplace where I dont speak the language, Berlin sends me a sign. Walking down the street with my two Susannes, I found the lady liberty. Literally. A small 4 foot statue just sitting on the side of the road, broken and discarded. Realizing that one womans trash is another ones treasure, I picked her up, dusted her off and took her on the train with me. She is in my room now. A symbol. A monument. A little piece of my country to say, "hey, its all right, you are welcome here." My very own Ellis Island experience. And maybe its the struggle but I have to say that never in my life have I felt this free.

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