Praying for Rain

April in Berlin has been a beautiful, sunny month. Ive been saying that I brought the sun with me from LA. But today its pouring rain outside, literally and figuratively. Some things have happened lately that I don't yet know what to make of and Im not sure how to write about. I promise to when I can find the words. But these last few days I cant seem to control it. And its not for lack of trying. For lack of desire. For lack of will. Sometimes the weather changes. The pressure systems, the winds. And while the cold and the gray and the darkness seems hard, inconvenient, ill timed, I accept it as part of this season.

Nobody said this would be easy.

But somewhere deep down, far beneath the doubt and insecurities that I so regularly feed on, I know that this is right. I am ok. And its just a ride.
So with no solid job prospects, no place to call my own as of 5 days from now, and about 5 Euros in my pocket I am sitting in a cafe praying for rain.

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Seeds

I wanted to do something beautiful for the dear Susanne that has so generously gifted me her apartment to stay in these past weeks. On Monday I planted flowers for the first time. A girl I know was kind enough to lend her love for life and her green thumb to me and to the balcony where I am staying. And together we pulled out the old dying plants and put in new soil.

We both put our hands in and got dirty. 

We talked and laughed. 

And we planted new life in those 6 small window boxes. 

She taught me how to water them properly and told me to talk to them as often as I could especially in the next few days so that they would know that they were home.

And even though the past few days have been cold, I know that these flowers will be alright. Because they were planted with love. And even though it was hard to hear because of the surrounding circumstances, when I heard yesterday that Monday was the day she found out she is pregnant, I know it will be alright. Things planted with love must grow...

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Getting to Know You

Berlin is making me think about how I meet friends. Im getting used to introducing people to each other saying we met, "on the train, at the park, in a cafe"etc. Then again, I guess thats the only way we do meet new people. Random places. And it doesn't get much more random than Berlin. Once we are unleashed into the "real world" we start attracting people into our lives in whatever way we do. In school, we are with students. At work, we are with coworkers. At parties, we are with friends of friends. Same attract same and there is always something in common to start. But how do you break out of the norm? How does one break free from the average world of incestuous friend circles? A new hobby? A new favorite hang out? A new state of mind?
But no matter where you are, there is always something in common. Humanity. And on days like today I feel so lucky to just be a part of it and to be smiled upon by its kindness...

In Marion, the girl I met in Mauerpark while sitting next to her in the big stone amphitheater as we gasped in disbelief at two half naked pregnant dancing karaoke singers. A few days later she took me out for my first proper German meal.

In David whom I met on the train from the airpot and who was kind enough to help me out when I missed my stop. And even though he has lived here for 4 years, a week later I was able to show him a wonderful new Sunday flee market tradition. We ate lots of ice cream!

In Patrick, whom I met at the bar along with his fabulous girlfriend during "angry hour" at a fun local restaurant/pub. In no time we were sitting down in a park for our first (free) guitar lesson. I promised to always bring the beer!

In Marc, the fabulous Englishman whom I met on the plane who treated me to a proper 7 1/2 hour pub style crawl through some of the more interesting parts of the city. We were in search of what he describes to be an Unemployed Turkish Lesbians Collective who apparently makes the most amazing food every year on May Day. We're serious about food!

And so I find that being alone here is harder than I thought. Because people- good, interesting, caring people are everywhere I turn. Everyday. And I cant help but remember how I can sometimes forget.

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